The Feedback Minefield: How to Filter Inadequate Criticism and Act on Valid Feedback
The ever-growing body of work focusing on leadership can be a bit baffling to a person wanting to truly understand what leadership is. Not sure what I mean? Try googling the definition of leadership and see what happens. There is, however, consensus that self-awareness is a stepping stone to developing one’s leadership capacity.
When venturing on this exciting path, we soon become aware of the concept of blind spots, the things we are unaware of related to how our ways impact others. They can include both positive and undesirable impacts.
In comes the valuable role of feedback on the journey, which can take many shapes.
Over the past few months, I had several coaching conversations with leaders whom, in the spirit of growth, were eager to integrate feedback they had received. When discussing specifics and setting goals, it became clear that the feedback they received was, at best, questionable.
What do I mean by questionable? In my opinion, the leader’s actions that led to the criticism from their boss illustrated great leadership skills, and I felt that the feedback provided related to the boss’s own limitations.
As we navigate our careers, we all come across bosses or colleagues who may not possess the ability or skills required to provide reliable constructive feedback, the type we need to hear, can understand, and can do something with. It can result in interactions that leave us feeling frustrated and unsure about how to proceed. This can also chip away at our self-confidence and see us impede the very skills that have the potential of truly establishing ourselves as a transformational leader.
In this post, I explore how to approach receiving and filtering feedback and identify when it is time to take action.
What’s the first thing to do?
Hear it: Don’t let the feedback become a trigger and pay attention to what is being said. Keep in mind, hearing it doesn’t mean agreeing with it. Before determining whether the feedback is worth acting on, you must do your best to understand what is being said. When I am triggered by someone’s comments, I remind myself of one of the 4 agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book. It goes like this:
“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
Besides, dismissing the feedback because it’s unpleasant is not doing anyone a favour, most of all ourselves.
Look for specifics: When receiving feedback, look for specific examples that support the critique. Vague feedback without concrete examples can be difficult to act on and easily misinterpreted. Clarify as necessary to ensure you understand what skills or behaviors are of concern. Ask questions like “Could you give me an example of when I did this?” Or “What do you think would have been a better approach? What undesirable consequence did my actions bring?”
Be grateful: Express gratitude for the time and effort the person took to provide feedback. It’s always better to hear this firsthand, even if the delivery is clumsy. Commit to evaluate if there is anything in there you want to pay attention to.
Consider the source: Evaluate the individual providing the feedback. Are they knowledgeable in the area they are critiquing? Do they have a track record of providing thoughtful and constructive feedback? If not, it may be worth taking their feedback with a grain of salt.
I get that questioning the legitimacy of feedback from your boss may seem difficult. However, you can figure out for yourself what you want to do about what was shared with you without coming across as dismissive. My recent coaching conversations reminded me that being a boss and having formal authority does not give a person the skills needed to engage in these conversations. Don’t assume that just because this is coming from your boss, it is valid.
Yes, you’ll need to do something with it, but that something is for you to determine. You can receive feedback from a leader professionally and respectfully, even if you ultimately decide not to act on it, or at least not in the manner that may have been initially implied.
Seek a second opinion: If you are unsure about the input you have received, consider seeking a second opinion. This can be from a trusted colleague, mentor, or a professional coach. An outside perspective can provide valuable insights and help you determine the validity and to decide what action you want to take.
Know your strengths and weaknesses: As mentioned above, this is where leadership starts, even before dealing with any feedback. Self-awareness makes it possible for us to live our best life. So before seeking feedback about the feedback, take the time to do your own inventory as objectively as possible.
By understanding where you excel and where you struggle, you can better evaluate the feedback and, if you choose to, integrate the input you receive. Keep in mind, self-awareness is a lifelong journey that serves every aspect of our life, and often our weaknesses are our greater strengths overplayed.
Determine the next steps: After evaluating the feedback, determine whether it is worth acting on and how. If the feedback is valid and aligns with your vision and goals, develop an action plan and take steps to improve. If the feedback is inadequate or misaligned, consider taking no action or seeking additional input to better understand the situation.
Don’t be afraid of asking for help. If your boss was the person providing the feedback, it is reasonable to enlist their assistance with the creation or at least validation of your action plan. This will ensure you have agreement on what improvement looks like, rather than engaging in a practice of trial and error that can leave everyone frustrated.
If you decide not to act on the feedback, be ready to explain your thought process and provide concrete examples to support your perspective if needed. This can help the person who provided the feedback understand your reasoning and can also help maintain a positive relationship. Likewise, if you receive feedback that you do decide to act on, it may be important to follow up with the person who provided it. Let them know that you appreciate their opinion and provide an update on your progress. By doing so, you can demonstrate your commitment to improvement and maintain positive relationships.
You see, there is not one best way to be a leader. It is about using your own gifts in service of something bigger and it does not imply the need to become someone else. I’m sure you’ve heard of leadership presence. Being deliberate with feedback and seeking to align it with who we are is one of the ways we develop our own presence. As Brené Brown puts it, who we are is how we lead.
